12 Hours in YouTube Studio Today. “Partner” Administrative Work. Zzz.
And I still haven’t made clips and shorts. What a sweaty way to end May.
Ngl, May 2023 was one of the months of all time.
Up there with May 2022 with my RTX Anniversary and the Army Open House IRL.
June tomorrow, public holiday on Friday.
I finally could rest easy last night… (25.05.2023)
“While many fly with their great wings, I walk on my bare feet blistered and torn…”
“Cry not for now, for we have won. Minervai’El, rest well; well done…”THRONELESS III, Minerva Marie-Sagan, Official Soundtrack and Lore, Written and Composed by Ab/m.
Didn’t make any clips or filmed the backlogged unboxings yet.
Literally handwrote reflections and timelines for Q3 / Operation “Quantum Leap”.
Operation Leap Frog is nearing mission success…
I’ve learnt that my fate is to be a four-wheel-drive rolling down a hill with no brakes.
While I used to be the kind to take the long winding road down, stop and help others with their stalled engines and give them money, there was once a time when I stalled and no one came.
Now, with where I am, if I so take my hands off the wheel, I am doomed to roll on my side and crash and burn.
My hands are on the wheel and my eyes are locked straight ahead.
If you want me to stop, you’d have to jump into my speeding car and replace the brakes while in motion.
Health. Sacrifice. Ambition. (23.05.2023)
Current 3rd Doctor’s Provisional Diagnosis:
- Purrigo Nodularitis (previously known)
- Discoid Eczema
- MRSA ruled out from negative wound culture test
- Cephalexin 250mg Cap (Antibiotics)
- Ciclosporin 100mg Cap (Immunosuppressant)
Total Cost: $239.72
If you would like to support me financially, you may do so at: https://streamlabs.com/hksfminerva/tip
No pressure at this time as I might ask my parents for help, and/or sell my VR & vintage laptops that I hardly use since I edit, stream and write more on my main/2nd PC these days.
2 years of building what I believe is the “next-generation” of author as a brand; vtubing and content creation–literally going from a healthy positive person with plenty of friends to a bitter solitary cynic who has sacrificed it all IN SPITE of their deteriorating health.
–and I can’t turn back either; because there are tons of people in my country whom I’ve turned my back on for being “slow” and “doing the bare minimum”. I’ve backed myself into the corner, on purpose, to force myself to go the distance.
I’m here, alone, and perhaps that’s both the answer and the result of…
> healthy / paid office job with free healthcare; spiritually miserable, your achievements do not belong to you, but the company; quit after 1 full year
> unhealthy / unpaid passion with subsidised healthcare, mild spiritual fulfilment, the glory is yours to keep, 2 years but…?
On reaching two years… and almost at 1000 subscribers… (21.05.2023)
People who have all the time and money in the world would never understand why I had to make those choices.
Every day, I live under a constant time pressure… a literal “DEAD” line. (look for that pic with the “writing on the wall”).
A window of opportunity may exist for only 12 hours and if you’re busy working for others, or partying with others, or look upon the achievements of others, you will lose.
Last year, I was guilty of this–and I paid the price with my health; and even when I took steps to improve it, by leaving the “parties” and clubs, the people who I thought were my friends; ones who would support unto the very end, were just there because I was a “janitor for the club” with the “key to the backdoor” to “take out the trash”.
In a way, I’m more mad at myself that people refuse to take my advice or warnings, but that’s on them.
The decision is ultimately theirs; they are not horses refusing the water.
Whatever I’ve done, I’ve done this year for myself, selfishly.
But even then, I am not happy, but rather still suffering on the grind–the only difference, is that I am at peace.
The white noise of the clubs and parties are all gone.
【MV】VILLAIN – Julia Wolf (Lyrics) | VTuber 2nd Anniversary ( @HKSFMinerva )
You been all bark, you can’t pull these all-nighters
Livin’ in the dark, workin’ on the vision
Pop off so quick, you think I tricked the system, um
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