2021-Q2 and Draft-03B (05.04.2021)

Welcome to 2021-Q2. I will be attempting to transition to Draft-03B, a lot of 03A builds are failures/bloated. Still failing to trigger the inciting incident. 7 pages is too late; the villain reveal on page 10 is too late as well. Also, too much lore dumping/idle chatter between protag-01 and deuter-02–need less talk more action.

The problem is that I am walking up to, and then running to the inciting incident–I should just be immediately “spawned” into the inciting incident.


  • D03A-R01-v01:
    • reviewed first 14 pages
    • plot escalation is still too slow
    • plot device at pg. 7
    • plot revelation at pg. 9
    • villain entrance at pg. 11
    • first face-off at pg. 14
    • build failure, due to slow escalation
  • D03A-R01-v02
    • reviewed first 7-8 pages
    • plot escalation is still too slow;
      • too much loredumps and infodumps
      • character backstory & hints/implications
      • leadup to I.I. (Inciting Incident)
      • too much idle chatter between protag-01 and deuter-02
      • implications of “another day at the office… or is it?”; basically telling the reading this will not be a normal day very soon
        • solution/advisement: don’t wait, or lead up to the incident
        • –begin immediately during the inciting incident
    • too much hints/statements/descriptions about the MC’s abilities/origin, rather than showing it and letting the story play out
    • too much time spend on giving ‘but first, did you know?’s’
    • too 8 pages to show magic in the universe/setting and commence the plot trigger/inciting incident
  • Therefore, don’t wait at the start line for the gun to go off–start the ‘broadcast’ with the gun having already gone off and the characters running a few hundred metres
  • End of traffic. (10:31pm, CAA050421)

Drafting/Querying —> Agent/Publisher —> Printing Mill/On-Shelf